Mini Rows
by Biscuit50
Summary: Following the birth of their son, how do Louisa and Martin avoid turning mini rows into major rows? Not sure if I need to but I've changed the rating slightly ... don't want to offend anyone.
1. Chapter 1

Buffalo Pictures owns Doc Martin. I own nothing except my own imagination. What follows takes place after Season Four … it was mostly written before information about upcoming Season Five was available, so no intention to spoil anything happens here. Any similarity would be coincidental.

Chapter One

"Remember when you said you could learn to be a father?" Louisa asked him. "I think at that moment, I began to relax just a little and realize that we all might have a chance to succeed and be a family. What were you thinking as you said that?"

One of the things that Martin had learned was whenever Louisa asked a question or questions, he had to suppress his urge to be painfully honest. What to him were truthful, straightforward answers almost never seemed to be the right answers, as he learned repeatedly the hard way. In modifying his behavior for other things (haemophobia cure, for example), he realized there were procedural methods he could introduce to 1) give himself enough time to think of a better answer, 2) appear thoughtful in his response instead of blurting out the first (rude) thing that came to mind and lips, and 3) reduce aggravating his lovely wife. Another thing he came to realize was that her intent wasn't to trap him in a "gotcha moment" as much as to feel closer to him. He didn't quite understand her (he wondered if he ever would), but there were residual benefits to suppressing his immediate (wrong) responses.

After a moment's pause, he replied, "Honestly, Louisa, I think I realized that you accepted what I had just said, and that you weren't afraid to let me be part of your and our son's lives. I couldn't believe it and I felt an instant tidal wave of relief. As I recall, I think I also felt some trepidation, because my experience with children, especially newborns, is limited to treating them in the surgery. I have no experience befriending them and certainly not parenting them."

Louisa was touched by his thoughtful response, since his nature was more to say something horrible first, and try and recover later. Was he already changing for the better?

"Why do you always underestimate your ability to do something as natural as be a parent?" she inquired. "You're a professional, educated man, respected in your field, able to do surgery and be a GP, responsible for the health and welfare of the whole village. Why do you doubt yourself?"

Martin realized he wasn't going to be able to study his medical journal tonight. Louisa seemed intent on talking … to him. As someone who had spent years on his own, rarely sharing more than an evening a week with other people, the change in his daily life, being with Louisa and Philip was drastic, and, if he was honest, tiring. On the other hand, however, there were benefits.

The main benefit was having an endlessly evolving relationship with the woman he loved. To be sure, she was loving and supportive a great deal of the time. But, being a lively and somewhat excitable person, she was also prone to jumping to conclusions – a trait they shared. He had never been with someone who was so keen on getting inside his head. She really wanted to know him, under what she labeled "his gruff, monosyllabic exterior." And they were getting to know each other better, although the strain of being together constantly presented a challenge at first.

It may be assumed that being sleep deprived (from having night feeds with Philip, or Louisa's alleged snoring, or just general low level stress of everyday life) did not help their situation at first. To their credit, however, they tried to remind themselves that the alternative of not being together was far worse.

Now that she had her family under one roof, Louisa settled on a worthy project: a slight makeover on Martin. She didn't want to change any of the "essential" qualities he possessed: intelligence, integrity, a man of "action" rather than words. She wished to introduce him to a few "quality of life" issues, such as the ability to relax, encouraging his slowly improving communications skills, and, of course, dealing with children. If she was being honest, she didn't want him to change too much, as much as she wanted him to _want _to change.

For being a smart- know-it-all about a large number of topics, Martin was still insecure around Louisa. He never quite believed that she loved him, despite her directly telling him so, marrying and moving in together. He had so little experience being loved by other people, including his own parents, that he had a hard time trusting the power and integrity of her love for him. And he did have some competition for her attention now, from Philip. All of these circumstances let him revert to his old routines … never quite telling her how he felt and keeping her at some little distance emotionally.

Louisa had always had some insecurities too, particularly as they related to Martin. She did believe he loved her on some level, and he certainly loved Philip, but she often felt as though she had to tread carefully around him, not to provoke his sharp tongue, or be the recipient of a medical lecture or some other condescending "teaching" moment, wherein he imparted his knowledge as the doctor, not her life's equal partner.

She thought of ways to combat the seemingly endless Doc Martin lecture series. Meet fire with fire? Change the subject? Break into tears to end it? Do something unexpected?

Tears seemed like a cheap way of getting her way, although if she was honest, there were times she felt like crying. Fighting back with facts and figures seemed pointless, because people with such pronounced views rarely change them, even when presented with facts and figures. And while Martin was decidedly a man of science, he didn't really regard her as his equal professionally. That lack of equality was a source of insecurity for her.

On the other hand, Louisa was a self made woman, who had been taking care of herself since her mum had left during her childhood, and she learned how to take care of her dad as well. She had put herself through school, had risen to the top of her chosen profession, and was well regarded in her community. She had no reason to question her standing, even with someone as professionally distinguished as Martin.

When it came to parenting duties, she was clearly the more experienced of the two on every level, from practical to emotional. Martin had even admitted as much when he had told her the previous year she'd make a lovely mother in an unguarded moment of truth. But now that Philip was here, he couldn't resist his own nature to be the authority figure all the time. It was maddening, especially since she was far more qualified to direct the parenting, especially while their child was young.

Martin could handle the physical things, changing a nappy, taking a temperature, diagnosing an illness, etc. But anything having to do with emotions, or closeness, or bonding … those areas were best left to Louisa. Except that, in his own home, he liked to exert control. Thus he liked telling Louisa how she was wrong, or how he could cite better references for all issues around bringing up their son.

After tolerating a certain amount of his "guidance," Louisa decided she was having none of it. She hadn't become head teacher by backing down from clueless parents, and she was not about to start here with Martin, because the stakes were too high.

After tiptoeing around Martin, and trying to meet him halfway, she drew the line at not showing her son how much he was loved. She couldn't bear to let him cry all night, when he was put down for the evening, when he was sobbing uncontrollably. Part of this was brought on by a strong sense that she never wanted him to feel that he had been unwanted or unloved, since, at least in her case, neither had been the case. From the moment she learned she was pregnant, despite the fact she was no longer with Martin, she wanted their child. And she never wanted Philip to doubt it.

So she fought Martin on this and similar parenting initiatives which he quoted at her, and decided ground rules for living together were necessary. Her ground rules were not unreasonable to anyone except Martin, but now that she was responsible for Philip as well, she knew she had to insist, or there would be changes.

"Martin, I cannot be constantly provoked by you and your irritating, condescending behavior, especially in the privacy of our home. I need our home to be a refuge for me too, and I need you to be part of that. If you're not willing to act respectfully in our own home, I think I'm going to ask you to leave, or Philip and I will," Louisa stated forcefully and directly. Martin blanched at her words.

"I'm only trying to help and to do what's best for our son," he protested. "I need to participate in his care and upbringing as well as you. And I want to …"

"I don't dispute that, Martin," said Louisa. "But you are not nice in how you deliver your lectures to me, and you're contributing to a hostile atmosphere. I don't know all about your childhood, but isn't that the sort of thing that you experienced in your own past that you would wish to avoid with our son?"

"It's true. Growing up, I was subjected to the most insidious kind of abuse … neglect and bizarre expectations," admitted Martin. "That's why it is important for me to be involved. … but perhaps you have a point. I'm rubbish when it comes to emotions. I concede that point readily but you know very well how much I love our boy. I don't see why you have to immediately shoot down my suggestions on child rearing, however. I am trying to help."

"Which is exactly why I'm having this conversation with you," said Louisa. "If we don't clear the air soon, and get ourselves on the right track, we're going to end up hating each other in an effort to do the right thing or be right, rather that working things out before they grow from minirows to major rows. That's what I want us to try and correct now, before we get stuck in a bad behavioral rut. Are you with me?"

Martin had to concede the logic of what she was saying. He didn't want to muck up his new-found closeness to Louisa and Philip. He knew that his behavior wasn't quite right, but he kept assuming that because his intentions were "pure," then they must be right. But what he never intended or wanted to do was to hurt Philip. So he supposed he could swallow his pride a little for his sake, and attempt to get along better with Louisa and even concede that maybe, when it came to dealing with children, he should do the unthinkable: let her take the lead and dictate their behavior.

Could he do it?


	2. Chapter 2

Buffalo Pictures owns Doc Martin. I own nothing except my own imagination. What follows takes place after Season Four … it was mostly written before information about upcoming Season Five was available, so no intention to spoil anything happens here. Any similarity would be coincidental.

Chapter Two

Of course, life never goes the way you intend it, no matter how pure your intentions. Martin's ability to curb his tongue lasted less than a week. He just couldn't help himself; it was his nature to say what he thought, without considering the feelings of those he was speaking to.

While his patients had come to expect such treatment, Louisa was just as determined she would not expect it nor tolerate it. But, as even she would concede, change is hard for everyone, including Martin and including her.

Plus, they were dealing with change all the time. With Philip's arrival, their worlds had been turned upside down. As far as baby behavior goes, he wasn't that different from other newborns … lots of sleeping, regular feeds, and crying. Individually, they marveled at how quickly he learned to watch everything around him. Martin was privately very pleased by how well his son reacted to him holding him, seemed calmed by his reading to him, and even how much he resembled him at the same age. From his own baby pictures, it was clear how much Philip favored him. Had there been any doubt as to his father, those doubts were laid to rest by all who saw them together.

For her part, Louisa was thrilled at how Martin wanted to be involved, despite his old fashioned ideas. She also loved how beautiful their boy was. She was overwhelmed by how much love she felt for him. Expressing this range of emotions around Martin, however, made her a target for his commentary, not all of it pleasant. Also, despite the fact that the child was so small, he seemed to require an inordinate amount of attention, fresh clothing changes, assortments of towels to protect their clothing, etc. Since she was breastfeeding, she also had to be available to feed Philip whenever he was hungry. It was exhausting.

Being tired left her with little reserve when it came to withstanding yet another lecture about her inadequate ideas for handling the baby. So when Martin announced yet another plan for more effectively weaning him of bad habits (how many bad habits can a child acquire before the age of one month? Three months?), she had to put a stop to it. Despite having known Martin for several years, she was constantly amazed at how old fashioned his ideas about the roles of women and children were. She stood her ground and did what she thought was best.

Martin had been able to re-secure his GP position before it was backfilled permanently. So they did have a steady income while they were sorting themselves out. But as he had wanted to return to vascular surgery, and had overcome his haemophobia, he chafed a bit at the "lesser" position of GP, even though he was quite a brilliant diagnostician. He himself was having a hard time seeing the value of that position, as it paled in comparison to saving lives on a constant basis.

For one thing, being a GP meant dealing with people, whereas a surgeon only had responsibilities for patient care while the patient was mostly unconscious in the operating theatre. And as Louisa had long ago pointed out, his interpersonal skills were his Achilles heel.

Daily, he would come home muttering to himself about one or another time wasting malingering patient, who wanted tea and chat, rather than suffering from real illness. Many days, he felt useless. And for all of his diagnostic skills, he couldn't see how his behavior was affecting his relationship with Louisa.

She brought it up one night, in the guise of seeking his advice for how to handle someone else's situation. Perhaps the clarity with which he saw other people's problems would provide a glimpse into his own situation …

"Martin, do you think people's behavior can change?" she asked him one night as they were preparing dinner. "Or do you think we're doomed to repeat our same bad behavior no matter what?"

"As I once told Joan, not everyone can change, but some people can. I can and have," he replied. "I mean, I think we've adjusted pretty well to all the changes in our lives, for instance."

"So you're happy with how things are going?" Louisa asked. "Do you think we've arrived or do you think we're still on the learning path to getting along better?"

"Yes, I would say we're doing very well, all things considered," Martin said. "Think about it: we're providing Philip with everything he needs right now. Having you home taking care of him is ideal. In fact it's the optimum situation, isn't it? You're there for him all the time, and he's quite happy."

"Let me put this another way: are you happy with everything going on right now?" Louisa probed further. "Can you honestly say you're happy with us and the way things are between us and your job? I'd really like to know what you think."

"Of course I am. It's quite satisfactory," said Martin.

"So satisfactory equates to happiness? Are you happy? Do you ever ask yourself whether I'm happy with this arrangement? Do you ever ask me whether I'm happy?" Louisa blurted out, suddenly bursting into tears. "Martin, I'm not happy with how things are going. I'm on eggshells around you, I'm tired, I feel very unattractive, and I want to have adult conversations on a daily basis with someone other than myself."

"You do … you talk to me all the time," Martin said.

"No, you talk at me all the time. I don't think you're listening to what I'm saying. I know you don't want me to return to work, but I really need to for my own sanity. That's one point. Another is that you never touch me at all. I can only assume you find me less desirable than I was before Philip was born. I've never felt so unattractive."

Martin was shocked to hear this frank admission from Louisa. "Surely you know that's not true," he protested. "I'm as attracted to you as ever."

"Well how would I know it, hm, Martin? How exactly would I get a message like that from you? You don't tell me any such thing. You never touch me or initiate anything with me. How would I know that you find me attractive?"

"I was trying to respect some boundaries. Many new mothers do not welcome the advances of their partners following the birth of a child. Let's face it, we hardly spent much time together back when we were together, and suddenly, we're living together, but we never learned how to live together," he responded.

"So you do want to re-engage in a physical relationship?" Louisa asked, pleased by where this conversation was going.

"Yes, that would be acceptable … um, even desirable," Martin stuttered. "You have no idea how hard it has been for me to share the same bed with you and be in the same house with you. I'm afraid of hurting you or forcing you to do something you're not ready for and I don't want to do that."

"What makes you think I'm not ready for that or want it myself? As I told you long ago, I've never stopped loving you. True, we have the baby to consider now, and he takes up an incredible amount of time and attention, but that's apart from what we are to each other. Martin, I really want to reestablish some intimacy with you and soon. My body needs it, my mind needs it and most importantly, my soul needs it."

Martin was again overwhelmed by such a frank admission from the woman he loved. "When can we get started? What sort of intimacy did you have in mind?"

"Right now, I would settle for a few hugs in lieu of the lectures you seem to want to give me all the time. In fact, I'll suggest this. The next time you wish to lecture me about anything, I'm going to ask that you start the lecture with a hug and a kiss, for, you know, optimum impact. Also, at the end of every lecture, I think you should also follow up with a hug and a kiss. I think we need to remind ourselves that the context for everything we're doing should be within some sort of loving environment. And when I feel like lecturing you, I'll do the same. What do you think?"

"Let's test it right now. So come here," Martin commanded. He put his arms around Louisa and tilted her head up to face him. Then he very tenderly kissed her … and kissed her again. "Now where was I? What were we talking about?"

Yes, this method might work, Louisa thought to herself. And at least she would get some action, because Martin liked to issue directives and pronouncements of all sorts. Framed by hugs and kisses, it was entirely possible she could derail every one of them …

Fighting fire with the other kind of fire seemed to be a good plan.


	3. Chapter 3

Buffalo Pictures owns Doc Martin. I own nothing except my own imagination. What follows takes place after Season Four … it was mostly written before information about upcoming Season Five was available, so no intention to spoil anything happens here. Any similarity would be coincidental.

Chapter Three

There is no question that their newfound feedback delivery system was having an impact. Frequently, in preparing to deliver feedback, the deliverer would be diverted from his/her original intent by the closeness of framing all feedback with hugs and kisses. It also had the side benefit of simply bringing them closer to each other and touching each other lovingly on a regular, daily basis.

As it turned out, they began to like starting every conversation with a hug and a kiss … so, although life was interrupted by villagers or the baby's crying, they were growing closer on every level.

Which is not to say that they didn't have odd conversations.

One night, when Philip was several months old, following their normal dinner routine, but well before bedtime, Martin sat next to Louisa on the couch, and put his arm around her. He hugged her to get her attention, and when she turned to face him, he kissed her forehead lightly.

"I'd like to talk to you about something that's been on my mind," Martin started. "Don't worry. It's a good thing, I think."

"What, Martin?" asked Louisa, knowing it could be anything ranging from her current diet, her return to teaching, ways to "teach their child" a proper lesson or two … well, it could just be anything. Since giving birth, she had developed a sense of calm about more things than ever before. She got upset a lot less than when she had been pregnant, now that her hormones had returned to more normal levels.

"I've been thinking. This whole business of having Philip, and living together, has been working adequately well in my opinion. Would you agree?" Martin asked. Louisa nodded and he continued. "Although we were on paths to go our separate ways pre-Philip, circumstances have conspired to keep us together. And I find that I'm not unhappy … in fact, the reverse. I can't ever remember feeling more at home with anyone or anywhere. So I have another proposition for you. Despite having mentally decided that we weren't right for each other last year, we're still together, we've produced a beautiful boy (well, you did the hard work), we're living together and World War III has not broken out, and I think you're happy as well. I know I will soon be spending time going back to surgery in London, but we'll still be together and I'd like to spend as much time together as we can. I'm not happy about being separated, but until I straighten out my professional status in the surgical community, I need to do my time in London. I'll work on a transition plan to eventually be here more, if that suits you, rather than moving you and Philip to London. We've talked about this, so I think you're ok with the whole concept. It's not ideal, but it will work out over time and our pending separation really is temporary in my mind and heart."

He stopped to take a breath. This was a fair amount of uninterrupted talking on his part, and unusually, he wasn't really delivering it as a lecture, but something a little more heartfelt.

"As I said, despite our best efforts to go our separate ways, we created this wonderful boy. Our being together has sort of stopped you from exploring other relationships with anyone else. I mean, I know we're married, but let's be honest, you could be with anyone you wished to, even with a baby. And now I'm coming to the point of my talk. At your age, reproductively speaking, you don't want to put off having any more children if you want more children. My offer is this: if you'd like to have another child, I think we should consider doing it sooner rather than later for your health, and for the health of any other children you, or we, might want to have. I've given this some thought. Philip would benefit greatly from having a brother or sister, and two children are probably not significantly more work than one, especially when they're young. Our little family is relatively harmonious, and although we seem to have mated relatively late in life, we're not unhappy in our current situation, no matter what that troll Porter might have implied when we didn't get married the first time," Martin continued.

"What I'm saying is: I don't want our lack of planning for a larger family, to hurt your ability to have another child if you want one (or more)," Martin said very quietly. "I would hate to think that by being involved with me and us, you've hurt your chances for additional happiness that I think you have always felt about having more children. If you'd like to try for another baby, I wouldn't be averse to having another child with you."

As soon as he offered to have another child together, Louisa's eyes spontaneously filled with tears. She couldn't believe how far Martin had come in his thinking and everything else. She grabbed him and hugged him, nearly speechless with joy.

"Martin, where did this come from? How long have you been thinking about this?" she asked him, looking into his eyes.

"Since I've known you, one of the things I most want in this world is to see you happy and to be a part of that somehow. I didn't really understand how I would be a part of it, but that's what I wanted," he replied, staring straight into hers as well. "You seem calmer and happier with me and the baby than any time I can remember since I've known you. Living with me hasn't dampened your enthusiasm for being involved in the community, or seeing your friends, or doing the things you want to do. Probably the bigger change has been the introduction of Philip into your life and for the better. As I said once, you'd make a wonderful mother, and you have become one. I'm not so selfish that I would hinder you from becoming the woman you were always meant to be. If that means having another child, then I think you should do it, and if you should do it, we should do it together. Of course, I'd prefer that we were going to be in the same city all the time, and that it was more convenient. More important, I've realized that we don't have to have to do what everyone else does in order to be a real family. I've never had that before, and I've never fully put someone else's welfare ahead of my own. But I find I want to ensure that I do all I can to make your life better … yours and Philip's. I can honestly say I've never felt that way before."

"So, no answer now, but think about it, will you?" he asked. "If we're going to have more children, we really shouldn't wait much longer, if only for everyone's optimum health."

That speech wore him out. Louisa hugged him and kissed him even more than she had been.

"Maybe we should get started," she said as she stood, put out her hand and pulled him up with her. "I don't think you could have suggested anything I'd want more than this, Martin. You've made me very happy. I love the idea of us both intentionally trying to getting pregnant. Are you sure this is what you want?"

He nodded and they headed upstairs.


	4. Chapter 4

Buffalo Pictures owns Doc Martin. I own nothing except my own imagination. What follows takes place after Season Four … it was mostly written before information about upcoming Season Five was available, so no intention to spoil anything happens here. Any similarity would be coincidental.

Chapter Four

Do you ever wake up and realize you're having an out-of-body experience? This fate befell our protagonist, Martin, the next morning.

In the fog between being asleep and awake, Martin felt a sense of wellbeing, lying as he was spooned up against Louisa just before the alarm was set to go off and before the baby had wakened them both. But he also felt a sense of "what have I done?" in terms of the whole push to make another baby with her. What had he been thinking?

To be sure, the sex had been highly pleasurable for both of them. Making love to and with Louisa was the absolute pinnacle of his life's sexual experience thus far. He couldn't remember ever having a lover who meant more to him, nor one who turned him on as much as she did, nor responded to him as much as she did. With this new understanding between them and the goal of procreating intentionally, additional barriers he hadn't known were between them were suddenly gone. It was intoxicating all by itself.

Although they had been sleeping in the same bed since the baby was born, they hadn't really made much time for any intimacy. Moreover, they had been on eggshells with each other while they got used to being with and near each other again. Truthfully, they hadn't spent much time together even during their brief engagement the year before. So this newfound intimacy was intoxicating on multiple levels.

One of the things that constantly surprised Martin was how uninhibited Louisa was sexually. She had seemed a bit repressed when he was her doctor, finding it embarrassing to answer his questions about her period or other personal and physical matters. So he had assumed she would be restrained in her appetites, etc. But his assumption was wrong.

It was as if once her internal permission had been given, nothing was off limits between two mutually consenting adults. Ok, there might have been a few things she wasn't specifically into, but Martin probably wasn't going to explore those boundaries too far. For now, the fact that she agreed to everything he wanted to try, and he agreed to everything she wanted to try, made their lovemaking energetic, mutually rewarding and extremely satisfying.

Louisa had regained her pre-pregnancy figure fairly quickly, with the exception that her breasts, while she was breast-feeding, were still quite prominent. To Martin, she was more desirable than ever. Martin found himself a little bit intimidated by her beauty and willingness to experiment, but not one to be outdone, he soldiered on, to both of their benefit. He himself was a skilled and generous lover, focusing on delivering maximum stimulation and pleasure, and well able to read all the physical signs of achieving both. They could look forward to many years of satisfying each other, if tonight was any indication.

If only she could talk him completely out of those ridiculous pajamas forever. When just sleeping, they both preferred wearing some sort of comfortable bedclothes, but when making love, they preferred no clothes at all. As well, they both preferred having some light in the room, so they could look into each other's eyes, as well as enjoy the sight of each other's bodies, as they gave themselves to each other.

Afterwards, spooning with the blissful warmth and comfort of full body touching, they marveled at how far they had come, and fell asleep in each others' arms.

Until, of course, the next morning, when Martin was having his minor panic attack. It was odd, since he precipitated the whole set of events with his discourse and suggestion, however enthusiastically embraced by Louisa. One might be tempted to blame it on alcohol, but he had not imbibed. Perhaps his heart/soul/mind got drunk on the drug that was Louisa? Or maybe he was evolving into another man altogether. Was it possible for Martin, Mr. Personally Conservative, Mr. Firm Opinion About Everything, Mr. Authority … was it possible that Martin was changing?


End file.
